Why I don't want to be a Proverbs 31 woman

My bunkbed creaked as I clambered to the top. I made a half hearted dive into the twists of blankets and eventually managed to straighten them out. I don't get around to making my bed very much these days. Pulling them up over my head, I began to let my breath warm up the surroundings till I was encapsulated in a cocoon of heavy quilts.

I shifted around to get comfortable and the bed creaked even more. The loudest creaking, however, was not audible: it was the creaking of my soul as I sifted through the day's events.

Each night as I stretch out upon my bed, I gauge my sense of how the day went. Some nights that sense is of peace, happiness, contentment. But occasionally I receive my least favorite sense of all: worse than anger or sadness, it's the sense of dissatisfaction.

I shouldn't have reacted that way, I should have been more thoughtful, I shouldn't have been so thoughtless. I wasted precious time holding a grudge when I should have been living in forgiveness. The day just didn't deliver. Face it: I just didn't deliver. 

Yes. The sense of dissatisfaction is deplorable, and mostly because you feel that it's all something you could have prevented. Sad circumstances are often our of your control, and external things are usually the cause of anger...but dissatisfaction: this one's all you.

Before you know it, the apparition of the Bible's version of Rosie the Riveter looms up before your face. Who is this woman? She's the Proverbs 31 woman.

I'm busy juggling a crisis and she's laughing at the time to come.
I'm saying things that are selfish and mean, and she's opening her mouth with wisdom and kindness.
I'm fighting for contentment in this season of my life, and her children are calling her blessed.
And guess what else? I'm huddled underneath a bunch of blankets (that I didn't make), just trying to keep my body from going hypothermic, and she's not afraid of the snow.

Don't get me wrong: I admire her and her productivity, her management of the household, her bartering and her leadership, her trustworthy heart. I love how she makes her arms strong, dresses herself with strength and dignity, and fears the Lord. She's an inspiration--but if she's our standard, then we're going to fail miserably.

But I need something more than productivity how-to's and motivational verses. I need Jesus.

Because there are days when I'll be a John 8 woman and I'll need Him to be writing in the sand. I'll get harried and preoccupied and I'll be a Luke 10 woman and I'll need His voice to remind me, "Martha, Martha..." I will be broken, ashamed, and then forgiven, a Mark 14 woman, and I'll rush to Him and anoint Him with ointment. I'll be a Genesis 18 woman and I'll hear God's promise to me and I'll laugh with doubting...then He'll ask me "Is anything too hard for the Lord?" and I'll have to admit that nothing is.

So don't limit me. I don't want to just be a Proverbs 31 woman--restricted to 21 verses. Let me be a Romans 12 woman, a 1st Timothy 4 woman, and a John 15 woman.

I don't want productivity, blessedness, a husband, children, or physical strength as much as I want Jesus.

Because He alone can take this creaky soul, this Proverbs 31 flop, this girl who messes up her diamond days, and turn me into an Isaiah 62 woman:

"The nations shall see your righteousness, and all the kings your glory, and you shall be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will give.
You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
You shall no more be termed Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate, but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her, and your land Married; for the Lord delights in you, and your land shall be married.
For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you."