Bona fide and all that jazz.

These past three weeks have been a blur.

My life since the 18th of June has been a TV screen when you fast-forward a bunch of movie scenes: just a lot of colors, jumbled sounds, and occasional changes in lighting all mixed together. Now that I’m on the couch finally catching my breath and observing the protagonist of this show, (who in this case is myself), I hardly recognize who or where she is. It’s as if I seriously am watching someone else’s story, because I still can’t get my mind around this idea of me being someone who walks around a hospital as if she actually works there. Employee badge and all.

And if I’m being truly honest with you, I still get a giddy little feeling of disbelief when my badge beeps open a doorway for me. LIKE, GUYS, I JUST OPENED A LOCKED DOOR.

I suppose that’s because it makes me realize I am no longer a student who has to wait for someone authorized to swipe their badge, lend me a key to the med drawer, or give me the code to the supply room. I am, as they say, bona fide.

It’s a legit desire of many people, to be bona fide, to know that you’re “for real”, to not walk around with a sense of inferiority. And while it is wonderful to be confident, to feel excited and even proud of hard-earned accomplishments, we cannot allow ourselves to get so caught up in it all that we turn into cocky know-it-alls who simply feed into a system that believes people are only as valuable as their assets, their titles, their physique or their capabilities deem them to be. There are two realities that should sober us down when tempted to go down a path of puffed-up egocentrism:

The first is that at any moment it can all be taken away from you. No one is invincible, and there is no lack of stories that tell of the unflattering downfall, disability or death of some of the most revered humans of the day. Brain death, cardiac arrest, a debilitating car crash or mass-targeted violence are just a few of the things that happen to people just like you and me. You could get caught in a volcano, caught in a cave, caught in a classroom--there’s no exit and none of your wealth, health or beauty can get you out of those situations. The ground is level when it comes to natural disasters.

The second reality is that we all at some point in our lives end up in a hospital gown or in a doctor’s office telling someone (most likely a stranger) about our poop life.

“Like...I haven’t pooped in while and the last time I did it just wasn’t my normal, you know?”

*Health professional nods and proceeds to ask…”so what IS your normal?”*

For real though, we’ve all been there done that and if not with a medical professional, then I can assure you that you’ve at least googled your symptoms.

The point is that we aren’t guaranteed much and at the end of the day we all have similar, human concerns that can be rather humiliating.

The hardest part about this though isn’t believing that people need to get off their high-horses, but believing and living out the belief that those in our society who are considered the muck of the world *whether or not it was brought upon them by their own decisions* also merit respect and kindness. A readily available example? Drug users. And let me just tell you right now, you are in no way approving of their behavior by treating them decently and with kindness. Do good parents humiliate their children when they make wrong decisions? (Of course many parents have but that’s not to say that they should.) Parents are to discipline out of love and kindness and that love and kindness does not endorse the behavior but, I believe, helps to modify it. 

Or maybe it doesn’t. 

But YOU as a person will at least know that you treated a fellow human being with respect. Because ultimately the person who is most often hurt when we try to hurt others is ourselves. Sad but true.

So getting back to where I started...it feels amazing to be bona fide. To be a nurse. To be a real-deal professional of the United States. But sometimes when I come home from work, I’m ugly to my family (being tired is the main culprit) and that’s not bona fide and doesn’t make me worthy of anything (though a good night’s rest would help!). I am human. I am so proud of where I’ve come from and where I see myself going (to bed!), but I deeply know that I am not at all deserving of anything that I have, even if what I have isn’t that much in comparison to others (coughdoctorscough). There will always be someone better than you, someone brighter than you, and more beautiful.

If that bothers you, then let it bother you. If it doesn’t, then just chill with that and in all things celebrate the success and wellbeing of others, supporting them disinterestedly and sincerely. If we all--myself included--did that a little more and let our prejudices and pride manipulate our lives a little less, then I believe we’d be better off for it.

So with no further ado, let's go be those bona fide people who are well aware that we're all just one bout of abnormal constipation away from calling our doctor. Peace out.