The Fire Alarms of Life

In the disoriented darkness of early morning, a beeping sound pierced through the dream that was gliding through my head. As the beeping became louder and louder, or maybe as I became more and more aware, the dream slipped off the edges of consciousness and I awoke. I knew it was the fire alarm, but I simultaneously knew that there wasn't a fire. Honestly, the fire alarms in our apartment have gone off so many times over something as minuscule as burnt toast that I have become desensitized to the sound, and if there ever was a fire, I'm not sure I would panic or not. 

I guess I wouldn't. Because I laid there in bed and covered my ears. 

I sleep on the top bunk bed, and the fire alarm is right next to me, making it most uncomfortable. Finally, I decided to hop out of bed to see if anyone knew what was going on. Apparently our upstairs neighbors had spilled a liquid of some sort and it had dripped down through my Mom and Dad's bedroom ceiling, right where their fire alarm is located. The dust inside of it had accumulated causing the water to trigger a response that let all of the alarms go off. 

Unfortunately, there are down sides to having incredible technology, because even after Dad pulled the batteries, the fire alarm continued it's loud proclamation of panic. I huddled up on my sister's bed, covered my ears, and prayed that it would stop. I also thanked God for it, because I figured why not? Maybe something would come of it that I couldn't see or hear right then. 

What seemed like several minutes passed, but then it stopped because Dad had pulled out one of the wires. We all went back to disorganized dreams and slept in till way past our normal wake up time. 

Something did come of it: I woke up and was not refreshed at all. In fact, I felt as if I had been more awake in the early morning than I did at the moment that I saw that my watch said 8:00. I hopped out of bed though and got my day started. Yet it amazes me how much the manner in which you awake affects the rest of your day. All day long I've been tired and half-there but not fully so. It's days like these that test the foundation of your joy and where your true contentment and satisfaction are found. 

Because when you're nothing but tired and everything else seems out of reach, you find that you don't have the strength or motivation to distract yourself with things such as going for a walk, reading a book, playing your cello, or doing any manner of normal things. You find yourself wanting to do something, to be worthwhile, and yet you just can't. I suppose today was a microcosm of what I deal with a lot: being able to rest in your restfulness. I like to do things, to know what's happening, to be in control and to have a plan. 

Yet the odd thing about surrender is that it means not having a plan and trusting that you can be fine with that. It means saying, "Okay, I guess this is all up to You," and banking your life on what He's promised you. 

On the last day of City Challenge we testified things about who God is, or what He does, or how He works. Some wrote "My God loves me outrageously," others said, "My God is holy," or "My God is in control," or "My God sets me free." And that's what I've been doing this week: just reminding myself of who He is. He's loving, He's in control, He's good. 

And now I'm saying this: that my God helps me surrender. More than that, He promises peace and joy to me through surrender. He says that He's got it under control and I don't have to worry about figuring it out. He says, "Patience, darling...just wait for Me and My plans." Honestly, there's no place I'd rather be than in His will, and I know I'm there because despite the surface feelings of "ick and eck" I mostly feel a serene peace and hope within me. That there is more. That Jesus makes everything meaningful. That He's got something in these tired Saturday afternoons that's bigger than what I can see. 

I'm a forward thinking person, and when I think about school and this coming year, I can forget to remember important things and simply despair because the way I see it, it's got nothing fancy in it. Yet I need to remember those important things...things such as God's presence with me in the here and now and in the future, and the friends that He's placed in my life, and the ways that He will encourage as I go through each day. 

This song is really encouraging to me, and I thought that I should share it, because that's what we're meant to do, to share, to pass along, and to encourage. 

Sometimes, my days are as disorienting and piercing as my nights when the fire alarms go off, but God is still with me. And above the noise, He sings over me and tells me that He loves me. He's pretty good, isn't He?