A Trip to the Orthodontist

"I'm going for a walk," I said to Mom as I passed through the dining room.
"Oh, could you stop by at the orthodontist and pick up some rubber bands for Misha?" she asked.
"Sure," I said and exited through the front door and into the air of September 22nd. The chill made me grateful that I had put on my extra wooly socks. My walks are usually random and I embark upon them with a go-where-the-wind-may-lead-me attitude. However, today I had a destination and that made a huge difference. At least, I thought it did.

But fairly soon I realized that, despite having a destination, I wasn't sure where I was going, or to be more exact, how I was going to get there. I knew I was on Florentia Lane and quickly passing into parts of the neighborhood that I'd never traversed before, but that was more disconcerting than reassuring.

My mind was on things other than taking in the scenes around me and discovering the street where Misha's orthodontist is located; it was occupied with wondering how I would get where I want to be in the future, the far out future that is. And suddenly I drew the comparison. Here I was, out on a brisk walk, my mind partially numbed to the new Autumn frigidity in the air and promenading into alleyways that I hoped would get me to my destination. Meanwhile, I look at myself in life with a desired destination that seems so far out of reach and I know that I want to get there but I'm not sure if I'll find the right "path" so as to arrive. Besides, it wouldn't be up to me, it'd be up to God. Only He can coordinate my paths to get to this destination.

During one of the sessions at City Challenge we were handed paper and crayons and given a few minutes to draw and write out what we dreamed up for our future. Give a bunch of young men and women crayons and paper and great things will happen.

Mine wasn't anything huge, nor very specific, but I knew that it's what I want in the future. To have a place where I could love the abandoned and lost and help them thrive through the knowledge of Christ Jesus and His love for them. To see people healed by the Gospel and to have a part in His kingdom, that's my greatest dream.

It's a lovely aspiration to have, but where's the step by step, the "this is what happens next", the "here's where you start" sign?

But the thing about dreams is that they aren't often practical (or they might be, but it's hard to get there from where you currently are), nor do they come with maps that show you how to get there.

I love it when people take words and combine a whole lot of them to encompass a deep meaning (I likewise appreciate it when someone states something simply that it might be easily understood, but in this case, I'm partial to the former). That's why Victor Hugo is amazing. Just read what he says about dreams:

"The dream, which is completely spontaneous, takes and keeps, even in the gigantic and the ideal, the form of our mind. Nothing springs more directly and more sincerely from the very bottom of our souls than our unreflected and indefinite aspirations towards the splendors of destiny. In these aspirations, much more than in ideas which are combined, studied, and compared, we can find the true character of each man. Our chimeras are what most resemble ourselves. Each one dreams the unknown and the impossible according to his own nature." ~Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

The unknown, the impossible--that's what this is. When my heart spills over with so much desire and pent up passion to be doing what I feel I am to do with my life, and the unknown and impossible seems magnified within me, that is when His voice is most needed in my life.

I turned right on Chestnut Street. A man in paint splattered clothes passed me and we exchanged "hellos". Another right turn onto another street. I honestly wasn't sure where I was. I wasn't worried of course, but I did wonder if I'd ever find it. A few seconds later though and I spotted my destination, a large and inviting brick house. A surge of joy burst into my heart; I had made it after all!

After accomplishing my task, I headed back towards home. Yet the predicament remained. "Oh God, what am I to do?"

Wanting something greatly is greatly distracting.

It can either be motiving or immobilizing. Thanks be to God, He makes it motivating. As I contemplated my surroundings (I was finally adjusted to the temperature and could take it in with my normal above-average level of curiosity), I discovered many little things that made me amazed: the architecture of a tree, the intricacy of a leaf, a brambly hedgerow filled with roses--and then, without even realizing it was scripture, this came to mind: "Delight your heart fully in Me."

I took it in and realized that all these little things are God saying how much He loves me. He gives me all these things that I might see Him and love Him all the time. And as I delight in God, what happens? "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." It's not that I get what I want no matter what it is, it's that I want what the Lord wants and I am given my desires when they're His desires.

And so, with a new understanding of Psalm 37:4 and a pocket full of rubber bands, I arrived to our cozy house and entered. Perhaps the road is not always clear, but keep your eyes set on the goal before you and walk on. He will direct your steps as you direct your gaze to Him.