The result of dreadful dreams

My dreams take me odd places. Last night was no exception.

As far as know, my dreams are fairly average. They consist of fragments and feelings of things that are occurring around me. Sometimes they are stressful, exciting, fun, or just plain boring. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Occasionally my dreams serve as indictors. Indicators of what? Well, most commonly they indicate how I should pray or who I should pray for. Less frequently, my dreams supply a type of foresight into what I want to do or how a certain situation is underneath the surface of things.

I wouldn't say that this is atypical; on the contrary, I believe most people have similar dreams. It's just that instead of dismissing my dreams, I think and pray about them if they seem unusually vivid or strange. I don't obsess about them and I don't often think they mean very much, but I am aware that God can show me things during my unconsciousness in the same way that He shows me things during my consciousness.

Last night, I had an interesting [abnormal] dream. Rather than explaining snippets that won't make any sense, let's just say that it involved me being in an Arab country (not sure which one), and I was in the midst of some sort of turmoil (my guess being that it had to do with ISIS [or IS]). I knew that I was there as a missionary and that I had a purpose there. There were two children. I had asked "What?" in Spanish, only to realize that it was the wrong language. So I asked one of the children how to say "What?" in Arabic. He/she told me and I am quite at a loss as to how it sounded, but it had to do with "a" and "m". That's all I remember. What remains with me was the feeling.

The feeling made my heart quiver. It was, to put it simply, the feeling of being in a place where God is not. Now that it's daylight, I know that that is not possible, for God is everywhere, but then I somehow ended up being inside of the hardened and hate-filled hearts of those causing the turmoil, and all that was there was despair, rage, fear, and endless darkness. Mostly there was fear. And fear was what turned them into the horrid and cruel people that they had become.

I awoke.

Instead of the dream diminishing, the darkness around me only extended it. A line from a song by JJ Heller came to mind, "Nothing makes sense without You, it's like waking up in the dark." And that's when I knew what the feeling had been--a feeling of being in a place without Him, having a heart that does not know Him. It was the single most scariest feeling I've ever felt.

I prayed.

"Oh, I love You, Jesus." Gratitude for knowing Him spilled over and comforted me beneath my covers. What happened next was strange. Or maybe strange isn't the right description--it was more like really cool.

The feeling of being without God was gone, and in it's place burned a fire--a passion for lost souls. Specifically those that I had been with in that country. But really, it was for all lost souls. I no longer felt that feeling of desperation, but I knew that there are millions that live that every day. Suddenly I knew with great clarity that everything else is secondary and the first thing I want to do with my life is help those people know God. It made me thankful for those that I know that are doing just that--giving of their lives to see the lost come to Christ. And it made me realize what I most desire in life.

To see the lost found.

I could end this post right there, and I almost did, but I think I need to write a little more. Because how does this desire translate into real life? I started this morning the same way that I started every morning--I'm not changed because I had that dream. It just served as a reminder and encouragement for me personally to continue in the way that I am going and perhaps it can encourage you as well to see those around you with different eyes.

In some ways it's helped me realize how to pray more for the situation in the Arab world--for I was there for a brief instant. I have plans to be a missionary, but first there is the growing, learning, and preparation that must occur. I will, by God's strength, be patient knowing that this is where God wants me to be right now. I also realize that I am no superwoman...when I look upon this calling it makes me feel small.

But I believe that our smallness is what glorifies God.

"My grace is sufficient for you, my strength is mad perfect through weakness." Praise God that those words are true. So I'll go about my days here, in my smallness and my weaknesses, knowing that God calls us to do His will everyday in all things...and I shall await the day when the Spirit within me will permeate those dark places with the light of His truth.