The story of a man.

He had grown up in the church. God, Jesus, and salvation had always been in his life. He never doubted God's existence, and went to bible studies and Christian camps, always knowing that he was saved from sin. But never understanding.

When he was eleven years old he thought that he should do some bible reading. So he read the book of James every day for a month. He liked that book, he liked the emphasis on joy and caring for the orphan and widow as true religion. He had a 21st century distaste for religion, and to him, doing those practical things for God was the heart of it all.

One part of James that he read was a bit over exaggerated though: 

"But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. And desire when I has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death." (James 1:14-15)

Obviously sin didn't lead to death. He understood that without Jesus, he would die and go to hell, and he understood that murdering someone could lead to death, but he didn't believe that sin, any sin, truly led to death.

"I know lots of people that sin every day and they aren't dead," he had thought to himself. And so he dismissed that idea and continued to read through James. 

A few years later and he knew what he wanted to do: become an evangelist. Yes indeed, he would preach to the multitudes and they would be saved. His friends were impressed by his religious vigor and love for God. Little did he realize that his love for God had become an idol, a coverup of his own pride.

But that's not too serious. A little sin, well, it doesn't hurt anyone. Slowly though, weeks passed and he found himself making sinful decisions. "Who's going to be king over me? God, who will make me do things I don't want to do, or me, and I know what I want...it doesn't matter if I choose me, because I won't do anything dreadful, and I know God loves me." 

He wrote up articles for his bible study and prayed for those around him. He cared for the widow and orphan and felt truly afflicted to do something for them. Every morning he prayed to God and throughout the day he sought God's guidance. 

Then one day, God was no longer there. 

"God!!! Why are you torturing me? I love you, where are you now??" He tossed and turned in his bed and fell asleep. Without comfort.

He sat in church service and hearing the sermons, he hoped that other people were paying attention, because he knew they needed to get that sin fixed in their lives.

However, as the weeks passed, he began to feel desperation."Why am I not connected to God anymore?" He heard a sermon that was convicting, he needed prayer, he needed help from his friends, but if they saw his struggle, then he would let them down. He was supposed to have it all together, to be the one that always felt God's love and was seeking God wholeheartedly. If he admitted defeat, others would fall away from their love for God. He cried. Tears slid down his face. But no one saw them...he covered the pain with a smile and figured that he would feel better now. So he walked out of church just as hurt as he had come.

Once he realized that the sin had become who he was and he felt the complete isolation and darkness envelope him, he gave in: he could do it no longer. No more fighting...he was racing headlong towards hell, and he no longer cared. Life...he wished it would end.

He had deteriorated. He knew how to talk and walk the Christian way, but he felt like a hypocrite. No one could understand his pain and sadness. No one could, so he retreated to the sin that gave him a sense of belonging. 

He was supposed to preach in a few Sundays, his pastor encouraged that he do it so as to begin preparing for his work in evangelism. In his mind he could hear evil speak to him, taunting him: "You, you're going to preach and boy, aren't you a hypocrite!!! This is great, you're the best at hiding how you feel. Suffering this way will help others come to Christ...no doubt about it." 

He was preparing the sermon. He knew how to write well, so it wasn't a problem. Then a friend came to him and confronted him with his sin. He had thought that no one had noticed, but they had, and in order to appear innocent, he lied. He said he had no clue and pretended to be surprised at the consequences of his sin. However, he resolved to stop his sin. The confrontation did him good, but would he stick with his repentance? Was it real?

It was in the bleakest part of night, sometime around 1:30am when he awoke. Scared and repentant, he listened to the Voice. "You will die if you continue in this sin. I have purchased you for a purpose beyond your knowledge. You will be My vessel, but only if you turn from this sin. Trust Me: if you continue, you will die."

And he knew it was true. One more day of this sin and he would be dead. 

Some people wonder how to stop sinning. 

You just stop. Stop sinning the same way you stop smoking. You give it up and yes, you work through the pain and temptation to continue, but you've got to stop. Turn around, and run the other way.

The next morning, that is just what he did.

And the Gospel had never been sweeter to him. In the following months, he had good times and bad times, but he always knew that he didn't need his sin, because Jesus was much sweeter to him, and he had a purpose for him that He would bring to completion. 

The young man finally understood that the wages of sin is death. He also understood that Romans 6:21-23 was more than just words, it was truth, and something that he clung to: 

"For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regards to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end if those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and it's end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

When he struggled with sin, he clung to the promise that God had saved him to do things for His kingdom, things that would be greater than he understood. 

And guess what? God was faithful. He used him for His kingdom and all glory goes to Him alone.