Finding Enough
I sat down at a rough, red picnic table that held a few other ladies--across from me sat Mary, a woman in her late forties with captivating blue eyes and a head of thin, gray hair. Her face looked worn and tired as I first started painting her nails a clear polish, but as she ventured to ask me questions I saw her become more and more engaging. It all started as I mentioned that I must always keep my nails very short because I play the cello, and as soon as she found out that I am musical she branched off to ask me more questions before catapulting into her entire life story.
It was the first outreach of our first day in Columbus, Ohio on an inner-city missions trip called, "City Challenge." I entered into it without any expectations, but if I had, I'm sure they would have all been blown out of the water as it was an awesome experience.
I found myself at a shelter for abused and homeless women where we were to paint the ladies' nails and listen to them talk. We were probably there for an hour, and the entire time I sat spell-bound to Mary telling me about her life going back as far as her German-Jew heritage and going as wide as her former co-workers private lives. She shared her struggles with her teen-aged son who, by the sounds of it, is doing everything that this world offers and is finding it empty. Yet no matter how far off-track she got in conversation, she always came back to one thing: California. That's where she was born and that's where she wanted to be. "I had the good life when I was there, everything was perfect," and now she loathes being in Ohio.
I tried picturing her at her former job, or seeing her find the pot in her son's bedroom and telling him that he couldn't smoke it. I wondered where her husband was...had he been kind to her?
She always spoke of California as if it was her salvation, as if it would satisfy her. And I sat across from her, knowing that it never would. You can run to drugs, sex, books, fitness, food, people, and places...but they'll never be enough. I looked into her time-tired eyes that sparked when she would gossip about her friend that drove around in a sports car and I knew that, even if she somehow makes her way to California, it won't fulfill her desire to love and be loved the way that God does.
Only God is enough. Only He will satisfy.
During the five-day long trip in Ohio, I found that I could chase everything in the world, and it wouldn't fill me the way that my time there had.
There at the Rosedale International Center, perfection wasn't a standard, grace was.
There condemnation wasn't fostered, love and forgiveness were extended.
And there strangers became friends and everyone loved everyone just the way they were.
I had known this for years, yet at City Challenge, it became real as I prayed over homeless people and played with little Somalian children: following God is the only true satisfaction.
And so, on Saturday morning I realized that I needed to once again lay down the things that I've built up in my life to symbolize success and satisfaction and I turned to have the Son in my eyes. I saw that, in my life, the only thing that will be enough for me is Him.
As the rain fell like grace upon the red picnic tables and everyone else had evacuated, Mary and I still sat. I told her I needed to go, and as I rose to leave, the words, "I love you" literally fell out of my mouth. I hadn't known that I was going to say them, I hadn't planned on saying them and I wasn't sure what she'd think after I said them, but she turned and said, "And I love you!"
Sometimes I'm amazed at how scared people seem to be to love others, it's as if it's not allowed anymore. But as I had heard her talk, I had found a deep love for her welling up within me, and the only natural response I had was to tell her as much. So I did, and whatever impact I had on her, I am not sure of, but I do know how she impacted me: Love alone is worth living and dying for. And by Love I mean Love Himself, the King of Kings and Lord of Heaven. I've said it before, I'll say it again: He is enough. You can lay down perfection, business, wealth, and worldly happiness to follow Him and find yourself overflowing.
It follows much along the theme of the song that was floating through my mind all week long:
It was the first outreach of our first day in Columbus, Ohio on an inner-city missions trip called, "City Challenge." I entered into it without any expectations, but if I had, I'm sure they would have all been blown out of the water as it was an awesome experience.
I found myself at a shelter for abused and homeless women where we were to paint the ladies' nails and listen to them talk. We were probably there for an hour, and the entire time I sat spell-bound to Mary telling me about her life going back as far as her German-Jew heritage and going as wide as her former co-workers private lives. She shared her struggles with her teen-aged son who, by the sounds of it, is doing everything that this world offers and is finding it empty. Yet no matter how far off-track she got in conversation, she always came back to one thing: California. That's where she was born and that's where she wanted to be. "I had the good life when I was there, everything was perfect," and now she loathes being in Ohio.
I tried picturing her at her former job, or seeing her find the pot in her son's bedroom and telling him that he couldn't smoke it. I wondered where her husband was...had he been kind to her?
She always spoke of California as if it was her salvation, as if it would satisfy her. And I sat across from her, knowing that it never would. You can run to drugs, sex, books, fitness, food, people, and places...but they'll never be enough. I looked into her time-tired eyes that sparked when she would gossip about her friend that drove around in a sports car and I knew that, even if she somehow makes her way to California, it won't fulfill her desire to love and be loved the way that God does.
Only God is enough. Only He will satisfy.
During the five-day long trip in Ohio, I found that I could chase everything in the world, and it wouldn't fill me the way that my time there had.
There at the Rosedale International Center, perfection wasn't a standard, grace was.
There condemnation wasn't fostered, love and forgiveness were extended.
And there strangers became friends and everyone loved everyone just the way they were.
I had known this for years, yet at City Challenge, it became real as I prayed over homeless people and played with little Somalian children: following God is the only true satisfaction.
And so, on Saturday morning I realized that I needed to once again lay down the things that I've built up in my life to symbolize success and satisfaction and I turned to have the Son in my eyes. I saw that, in my life, the only thing that will be enough for me is Him.
As the rain fell like grace upon the red picnic tables and everyone else had evacuated, Mary and I still sat. I told her I needed to go, and as I rose to leave, the words, "I love you" literally fell out of my mouth. I hadn't known that I was going to say them, I hadn't planned on saying them and I wasn't sure what she'd think after I said them, but she turned and said, "And I love you!"
Sometimes I'm amazed at how scared people seem to be to love others, it's as if it's not allowed anymore. But as I had heard her talk, I had found a deep love for her welling up within me, and the only natural response I had was to tell her as much. So I did, and whatever impact I had on her, I am not sure of, but I do know how she impacted me: Love alone is worth living and dying for. And by Love I mean Love Himself, the King of Kings and Lord of Heaven. I've said it before, I'll say it again: He is enough. You can lay down perfection, business, wealth, and worldly happiness to follow Him and find yourself overflowing.
It follows much along the theme of the song that was floating through my mind all week long:
All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough
You are my supply
My breath of life
Still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
Worth living for
Still more awesome than I know
You're my sacrifice
Of greatest price
Still more awesome than I know
You're the coming King
You are everything
Still more awesome than I know
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