Oh that zoom lens...

"When everything is falling apart, you will be safe in His arms."

I'm having a hard time actually writing something to go along with the line from Phil Wickham's song, "Safe". I want to be able to give you an encouraging post that gives proof to just how true it is that when everything is falling apart, you'll be safe in His arms.

But right now, I'm finding myself needing to just try and focus on that truth myself and actually being able to produce something within me that rejoices about how wonderful everything is going and write a post that makes you have a fuller awareness of God...it's not coming.

When things look really bad and it doesn't look like they'll change, I just focus on Heaven and how wonderful that will be. My human self has a different idea though, "Never get better? No, no. That can't not happen!" 

I don't want to write this, because I believe that we are to "build one another up in Christ" and when I talk like this, I begin to realize what's really going on. I'm not focusing on Christ.
I'm like my naughty Nikon in macro mode...I have a specific detail for it to focus it's lens on and it just. won't. do-it. I'm patient with it though, because I know that it'll come around eventually. And it does. She always does.

Perhaps God is trying to press the shutter and capture my mind with Christ but I'm not focusing.

I need to abide in Christ. (John 5:15) "For whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that will bear much fruit, for apart from Me, you can do nothing." Read that last part again, without Him...we can do nothing. At all. Na-uhn.

Okay... so apart from Him I can do nothing. Right now, I feel like I can do nothing.

I don't want to start this week of mass studying in Humanities. I want to curl up and read my beloved book all day.
I don't want to get up early and do school. I want to get up early and go on more twilight runs while the stars still glisten.
I don't want to face this week, and perhaps another without what I am missing so badly right now. I want to always have my way. 
I don't want to in all my ways acknowledge Him, I want to lean on my own understanding...but it's so confused right now. 

And the more I type out these, "I don't want" and "I want"'s the more I realize just how screwed all this is. It's not about what I want. It's about what He wants.

And because He loves me more than I'll ever know, no matter how hard or how wonderful this week is, it is His plan for me and therefore, the best plan. It doesn't mean that things won't go wrong...it just means that I'll go through horrible things and amazing things and He'll always be there.

He's unchangeable and I will see Him face to face and realize that really, I was always in His arms. 

Focus. The lens zooms in, then out again and twists--it doesn't want to focus. Calm down now. Focus. The lens takes another try and zooms in, turns and almost seems to revolt but then the light turns green and I snap the picture.

Perfect.

I go inside whistling, "You will be safe in His arms, you will be safe in His arms..."